17 September 2017

Best Hummus Ever ©Neil


  • 4x Cans of Chickpeas (Drained) 
  • A fuck ton of Garlic. 
  • 2tbps of Sesame Seeds 
  • ½ cup of 🍋 juice 
  • ¾ cup of water 
  • ½ cup of olive oil 
  • 2 tbps of pine nuts 
  • ½ Red pepper 
  • Souls of your vanquished enemies, the more the better. 
  • “Handful” of coriander and basil 
  • 1 tsps of; 
    • Tumeric 
    • Cumin 
    • Garam Masala
  • 2 tsps of Mustard Seeds 
  • 3 tsps of Maldons Smoked Sea Salt 
  • 1 tsps of chilli flakes, more if you're not a little bitch. 


  • Put all the shit above into a food processor. Turn the food processor on. Turn off again when at desired chunkyness. 

This will make quite a lot of hummus. But who doesn't want a fuck tonne of hummus? If you want less for some reason divide the quantity in half. If you want even less then you're a disappointment.

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